Sometimes I have so much on my mind.. but no 'real viable' outlet for it.. I think that's when i turn to here the most.  I talk to my wife a LOT about things that bother me.. even the thing I'll probably end up ranting about on this blog.. I kinda feel bad putting even a bit of it out here but I need some form of outlet... Specially one that doesn't seem as much like I'm 'yelling or mad' at her... Sometimes I just need to get things off of my mind, and I feel she isn't the person to directly get them out at.. (since I know she will read this at some point, *hugs*)

I've learned a lot in the past 3 weeks.  Mainly I think I have learned a lot about myself, and what I have put someone else through.  Knowing that you have broken someone's trust is a lot different than having your trust broken.  I don't think I truly ever understood it because well.. I'd never gone through it with someone I Love so deeply.  

So yes, to those 3rd parties my wife broke my trust.  I've broken her trust before (just as badly).  Some would say we are doomed, some would say we are even.. some would say we are both just hurt and wishing for things to heal.  I believe we are the most latter of those arguments.

So what the main point of this is.. is that I never really understood until recently just what I had put my wife through.  It hit me hard recently I will admit.  She has dealt with the betrayal of trust and kept me in her life.  I don't forgive her just because of that but it is a bit of the reason why.  I don't think though, that I ever understood what this side felt like.  It's painful I will admit.  I know how painful the other side of this can be as well though...

I do love my wife, I love her with all my heart.  I believe with all my heart we will get through this, else I wouldn't still be here honestly.  It's going to take time we both know.  I'm trying my best to be as open and accepting as I can...  

But, to my wife...  I know I have probably said this before, and might say it again.. I'm sorry for the broken record I might be with this line.. but please remember to give me some time... For what has gone on it's a lot to process.. so at random times things will come to mind from back in the past and will hit me... 

I am honest when I say I forgive you.  I am just still dealing with all that has gone on, and it may take a while longer.  I wish I could say how long but I can't.. you know how much of a worrier I am.  Just know I love you, I Love you dearly.  I wouldn't be here still if I didn't.  *biggest longest bear hugs*

Remember as I said hun, this isn't meant at all as any hate post or such.. just a way of getting some things off my chest to a 3rd party type thing... I'm sure you can figure out why this is kinda a valid means for that..  

And to any third party, I'm sorry if it's kinda loose and garbled.. it wasn't really meant for many people... It was just me letting some thoughts off of my mind.  And if you respond with any hate~type reply, it will be deleted...