It's odd that so much has happened and yet I don't have much to say?  Or maybe that's just a diversion tactic of my own to keep my from the hard topics...

In truth a lot of what I might say won't be much of a read to any but maybe my Wife.  She's the one who knows what I'm talking about and might grab more from it than anyone else.

So I will start at the beginning in the full blatant truth.

I've cheated on my wife. She's known of this for a long time now, and though she hasn't fully recovered and I DO understand, it's mostly past us... and I won't go into the detail on it.

I've lied to her again by saying I quit smoking when I didn't.. (though Uhm.. shit.. October or November 5th I did actually quit.. LoL)

and there are a few other things I've lied to her about... (finiancial that she knows about already)

What I wonder sometimes is why she is still with me...

I'm serious about that too. To me she is the most wonderful, Loving, caring woman... and after what I have done to her and what situation we are in I wonder many times why she is still with me. 

She's had every reason in the book to get rid of me yet she still keeps me by her side and by the spirits I'm SO thankful.

It's only added to me why I love her and why I love her so much.  She's given so much to me and now hopefully in some way I show her how much her support has given to me and how much it has meant to me.

I love  her with all my heart and soul, and no matter w hat stupid mistakes I might make in the future I 'pray' she forgives me because I truly believe she's the 'one' for me'.

Heather I love you and cherish you beyond anything in this world.

Tat